We have far more in common...

We have far more in common than we think.

I was recently talking with another mom, an acquaintance, about how hard it is to make mom friends.  She was telling me how random and lucky it was that she met one of her best friends after buying some baby stuff from her.  She mentioned how you’re always wondering if people have the same opinions on things like discipline, breastfeeding (openly), and vaccines.  Honestly, I was taken aback for a minute.  I have friends who do all of these differently than me.  Rarely does it impact our friendship.  There is so much more to life, and parenting, than just these decisions.  I know she used these as examples, but all in all we have far more in common than we often think.  There is no reason to get into deep conversations like that when you first meet people. You can still laugh over the mundane crises that plague toddlers or how annoying the never-ending pile of laundry is.

So, what if you get friendly with someone only to realize that they spank their kids in specific cases and you believe it’s ineffective?  If it’s a non-negotiable for you, then you can let the friendship fall away or let them know why you wouldn’t use that for your kids.  Honestly, I rarely even discuss these topics.  Active lifestyle and healthy eating are much greater values in my life.  I find that loving to be outside with our kids and packing a lunch to be much greater assets to building our friendship.  These are the activities that we do together, as friends.  I don’t go to their doctor’s appointments. Baby’s feeding isn’t about me and literally does not affect me or my kids. Rarely do big discipline decisions have to be made at our playdates. 

Furthermore, if you never put yourself out there to have the initial conversations then you likely miss out on great friendship opportunities. You also miss the opportunity to see things from another point of view. Every person has a different story and a different journey. There are reasons behind the decision. Parenting is ever changing and tailored to your situation. In my experience most moms totally get that. Stop robbing yourself of the opportunity to have friends or even just chatting with the mom at the park. I promise we’re all thankful for every tiny bit of adult conversation we get. Laugh at the kids being silly. Give a compassionate shrug as someone’s toddler melts down from spilling their goldfish. Give grace to yourself and to others. Love your kids, love yourself, and most of all go make some friends!