If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.

-Leo Tolstoy

I consider myself a perfectionist; however, I can’t even name a project I have finished in the last year that I wasn’t forced into by my husband (refinishing a desk and hanging our gallery wall). I am my own worst enemy. I give up before I start. Next comes the guilt from wasting money on the supplies and time from doing research. After 33 years why am I still doing this to myself? I have been crocheting a scarf for 4.5 years. 4.5 YEARS! It is nothing fancy. It’s a single stitch and I want it to be long enough to be a double infinity scarf. This would be easy for most to hammer out in a day, maybe 2 if they just wanted to take it easy. I restarted it probably 10 times. I almost finished it over Christmas (4 months ago) while on a car trip, but instead I put it down to read a book, looked at my phone, talked to my husband, anything but to finish. Why? Why the hesitation (the fear?) to finish? Why do I sabotage myself? I can’t put those feelings into words. Well, I’m done with these feelings. This is a new chapter. No more fear. No more it’s too hard. No more it won’t be good enough. No more it’s not worth the time or effort. The sense of accomplishment is WORTH IT. I AM WORTH IT.

I can’t be the only one that has that little voice in my head that questions my self-worth. Why do I deserve “xyz”? Why should I try if won’t be as good as what I saw on Pinterest/Facebook/Instagram? How about because it’s fun? How about because I might learn a new skill? How about because I gain a new perspective? We are never too old to stop learning. Education did not stop when we got out of school. We live in an age where information is more easily accessible than ever before. Let’s embrace it! We need to stop all the negative self-talk. Instead of being our own cheerleaders, we have turned into our own (harshest) critics. We constantly worry about people judging us or talking badly or making fun of us. The truth is most people are too wrapped up in their own stories to even have the energy to judge yours. Yes, there are some terrible, terrible trolls out there who want nothing but to blast negativity, but we can choose if we let that in. We choose to let the negativity control us. You cannot succeed without failure. If someone in your close circle says nasty things, confront them and if they don’t change, CUT TIES. Yes, get them out of your circle. Life is too short. I know this is more difficult with family, but still it can be accomplished if they are really being ugly to you.

Anyway, let me get back to the real point of this post and my decision to change things up. I am planning to take on some new projects and complete them, perfect or not. I will finish my scarf. I will hold a yard sale. I will plan and plant the garden. I will plant some flowers. I will experiment with new and complex recipes. I will try the repurposed t-shirt ideas I found on Pinterest. I will read Neil deGrasse Tyson’s “Astrophysics for People in a Hurry”. I will finish my preschooler’s homemade busy book. I will take more pictures. I will figure out manual mode on my fancy camera. I will document life through writing. I will be open to ideas. I will have fun camping. (Ok, so that one might not be a total project, but it is still a change in attitude.) I will start a blog and be vulnerable. I’m choosing to be present in life. I’m no longer choosing to listen to the fear that stops me from what I want from life.

This feels like a great time to blast “This is Me” by Keala Settle from The Greatest Showman Soundtrack. I love this behind the scenes version.