Waiting for the "Right" time

You may delay, but time will not, and lost time is never found again.

- Benjamin Franklin

I was cursed early on by successful procrastination.  I fooled myself into believing that I did my best work in the “crunch time.”  Honestly it was a ruse. It was a mask to cover for my overthinking and perfection seeking.  If I waited until shortly before the deadline there was only time to act and not time to think, redo, tweak, adjust, etc. 

As a stay at home mom I have very few deadlines.  With no deadlines I find myself simply floating by with few completed tasks.  I’ll think of a project, get overwhelmed hammering out the details, and put it off and put it off. Worse I’ll buy the supplies, start, and then get disappointed that it’s not turning out exactly the way I imagined so I stop.  I tell myself I’ll rethink the strategy and start again….only to never start again.  I’m the queen of half-finished projects. 

This is another aspect of my life that I am choosing to change.  Life is not perfect.  Life is messy and full of failures. This is where we learn.  This is where we make memories.  This is where our children learn that it is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.  Life is about the journey not just the destination.

I feel like I somewhat started this journey after the birth of my second child.  I refused to sit at home even though it is difficult getting two kids out of the house and our day NEVER went as planned. I learned to accept those as normal parts of our day. I learned to expect them and also to figure out how it could have went better, if it could even at all.

Those were baby steps though.  I fail on a regular basis in going with the flow, but overall I am accepting of the things I cannot change.  I allow for other ‘s opinions and happiness within my day.  I cannot control everything, and despite still considering myself a perfectionist, I am so much happier for allowing the acceptance into my life.  This has led me to accept mistakes my mistakes, my husband’s mistakes, and my children’s mistakes.  Being easier on myself has allowed me to be kinder to those around me.

If parenthood has shown me anything, it’s that time will never stop. I will never get back this minute or this day. It’s time to stop waiting for the “right” time or the “easier” time. Ultimately this has led me to push myself in the things that I can accomplish if only I’d get out of my own way. It’s time to stop being so afraid of failure and embrace where I am.