Isolation in Motherhood - Find your people
isolation in MotherHood - Find your People
I know I’m not the only one that has found myself unbelievably lonely in motherhood. I get that feeling of isolation and imprisonment. I am grateful to have some very good friends from college, but we unfortunately live hours away. It’s been harder as we’ve added more babies to our lives, but we text often and plan trips to see each other a few times per year. Even with daily texts and weekly phone calls I found myself lonely. I craved play dates and lunch meet ups. I missed those in-person, everyday relationships for myself and my children. With technology today we are more connected than ever, yet at the same time isolated. I cannot be the only one who feels trapped in my house some days. Chatting via comments on Facebook does not replace real life. Going to the park or library was some reprieve, but I never knew if I’d run into other moms to chat with. Or worse I see a whole group of moms and kids happily hanging out which magnified my feelings. I would sometimes meet up with mamas I knew from a Facebook group, but I also felt desperate. I made some good friends that way, but with others it was more friendships of convenience. It was refreshing to see them, but we didn’t have that deeper connection.
Pushing myself to these activities did, however, give me more confidence to talk to moms at the park and play areas. Sometimes it was nice to just talk, but every so often I’d meet someone that I thought could be someone I had a lot in common with. I’m sure some were taken aback when I’d ask if they were on Facebook so I could add them. I made a point to then invite these mamas to play dates the next week. I have cultivated some great friendships this way. There’s an ebb and flow to everything and I had to remind myself not to take it personally if people “couldn’t” meet up. Or maybe they commit a few times, but then no more. No worries. Those were not my people. Next time I ran into them I’d just wave and say hi. Ball is in their court. The key to this I found is to remember that you likely have no idea what is going on in their life. Maybe they have a sick relative or are in a funk that kept them in sweats at home. It may be my southern showing, but unless people are rude to you there is no reason to be rude to them. Any negative feelings or anxiety you harbor is a weight on you. Do not carry that around. Be friendly and open to new friendships, actively cultivate them, but give grace. Our days are happier when we give people a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.
It’s scary to put yourself out there. I am by no means naturally outgoing so do not think for one second that this was easy for me. I think it’s harder than dating. You gotta ‘Fake til you Make it’. Your vibe will attract your tribe. It truly hurts my heart when I see the lonely the mom posts in my online groups daily. I’ve been there. It’s a true and valid feeling. The beautiful thing is that we have (some) control mamas. It’s uncomfortable and it takes time, but you can build your group. You can find the support that you so desperately crave.
