Combating Isolation in Motherhood
Combating Isolation in Motherhood
I’ve seen too many posts lately about moms being lonely. How they do not have any friends. How they are afraid to talk to other moms at the playground. How they feel like they are spiraling into a funk that they are afraid will lead to depression. Ya’ll this hurts my heart. We have more control over our lives than we think. It’s scary to push yourself, be vulnerable, and strike up conversations, but oh so important.
Step One: Get out of your house. I’ll say it again, GET.OUT.OF.YOUR.HOUSE.
I know it seems overwhelming. I know that it is hard. I have two rambunctious boys who drive me bananas and it’s a struggle to get them out the door, but once we’re out, it’s so much better. Just a change in environment can be refreshing. Some days are more successful than others. We can’t win them all. Ya’ll my toddler screamed “WALK” for a solid 5 minutes at the grocery store today. Who freakin’ cares? Most people smile and nod in solidarity. They’ve been there. If someone says something nasty to you then tell them everyone has a bad day and this is just one moment in your life. Then kindly tell them to mind their own business and have a nice day. More often than not though, we are all refreshed when we come back home. Don’t sweat the small stuff. My toddler likes to sing at the top of his lungs in Sams Club. In the past I worried about what other people thought. Are we bothering them? Maybe, 9/10 times people laugh and compliment him. We do try to be respectful at restaurants, but we try not to go to very fancy places with the kids too.
Step Two: Converse with people. Smile. Make eye contact. Interact.
It doesn’t have to be long drawn out conversations. Even simple pleasantries can alleviate the isolation. I’m not suggesting that you walk up and start conversations with some random at the gas station, but chat with the cashier or bagger at the grocery store that you see every week. We have a kind, older gentleman who is great to the kids and always insists he help me out with the cart. In the past I refused, but he enjoys chatting with the boys and they love getting a sucker. At the playground don’t be afraid to chat up another mom. Compliment her child or the mom’s outfit or parenting. More often than not this will lead to a friendly conversation. It is seriously that easy. Even if you don’t make long term friends, it is so refreshing to have those short interactions. Remember we have more in common than separates us. It’s likely you’ll run into them again and who knows, could it turn into friendship?
Step Three: Breathe. Slow down.
Where else do you have to be? Right here, right now. There have been many times that I am ready to go home, but the kids are not. Honestly the times that I just stop, just listen to them, and just go with it are some of the best times. We may stop at the playground on the way home from pre-k pickup or buy a donut and sit on the sidewalk to eat it. Literally I just stop and BE PRESENT in the moment. I frequently plan and think too much. Since these are spontaneous, I don’t have anything else to multi task and am forced into the present moment. These times are generally initiated by my children and it’s magical. Children are people with ideas, feelings, and value. How would you feel if someone shot down your suggestion every time? Where else do you have to be? So you eat dinner a few minutes late or baby falls asleep in the car. Is it really THAT terrible? I’m not saying you do this every day, but once a week? A couple times a month? I honestly feel like this refreshes my relationship with my children and recharges my soul.
Step Four: Limit Social Media.
We get caught up in the mundane when we’re stuck at home. We feel trapped. We end up spending too much time on social media or our phones in an attempt to escape. We lie to ourselves and think it replaces actual, real life conversations. The social aspect of social media is mostly a lie. It’s fake. It’s typically ineffective. It’s a bandaid on a knife wound. It may help momentarily but does not solve the root issue. We also inevitably fall into comparison, but that’s a separate topic. Social Media just encourages the toxic cycle of being trapped and drowning in the loneliness. It’s not all bad. I’ve learned a lot from Facebook groups. I’ve made some “friends” who I only know online and some friends who I actually see in person, but chatting online does not replace in person interactions. We are social creatures (even you introverts).
Now I need to take my own advice. I’m completely guilty of falling into funks or not wanting to talk to people some days. That’s ok. I just can’t live there. I can’t wallow there. I over analyze conversations with people that I’ve had. I get anxiety about it. I get anxiety over meeting up with my friends. That’s something that I have to deal with. I have to remind myself that it’s done. If they thought I was weird or overly friendly then there is nothing I can change about that and moreover….WHO CARES. I should not concern myself with what others think if my intentions are pure and kind. You got this Mama.
